Instead of the typical wrap up of the year gone by like everyone else, here at the Naughty Pig we have pulled out our tarot cards, looked at some tea leaves and fingered a gypsy to bring you our 2006 "Year In Review" preview.

January – Race riots again flare up in southern Sydney when dopey white surfer boys mistake some of their friends who have gotten deep tans over Christmas as Lebanese. Things calm back down when Cronulla moll Freda pops out of a near by panel van and says “C'mon youse. Stop ya fightin', I’ll root the lot of youse”. All class you Shire girls. All class.

February – The Hasselhoff craze thankfully comes to a complete end when David Hassellhoff is caught actually flogging a dead horse. Think how funny this would have been this time last year if you saw it as a badly done JPG in your inbox.

March – Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes give birth to a beautiful baby. Sadly the baby is riddled with thetans needing several years of expensive Scientology based healing to cleanse. Still showing his undying hetro-love for her, Tom fucks Katie throughout the entire birth. How not gay is that!

April – There is no poverty news to include in 2006 as Bob Geldof and Bono saw to that in 2005.

May – Massive waves of terrorism again rip through the Middle East killing thousands. As no white people or Australians are hurt these stories are passed of to the “Those Crazy Wogs” section of the news, just before the sport, and no catchy name like 9/11 or the Bali Bombings are given to them.

June – The Socceroos win the FIFA football World Cup only for Australia to wake up and realise it was all a dream. Unfortunately, instead of a ticker tape parade, the team is forced to run the length of George St in their underwear for failing to win a game.

July – God will continue to demonstrate his wrath on Earth as punishment for the messy split and divorce of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. This time a plague of Labrador puppies is struck upon Middle America. God admits it is not one of his best ones and has a follow up disaster planned for early 2007 that he promises will "blow our human minds". Many predictions circulating the internet include the return of Blossom to our TV screens or an unblockable email continually sent to every email address in the world of David Hasselhoff dancing with the dancing baby.

August – Michael Jackson is back in court again, this time for the petty crime of jay walking. He again escapes prosecution by having a rock solid alibi; he was at home sucking off a 12-year-old at the time.
Also Gary Glitter releases a Best Of album which, for a limited time, includes a DVD of his best conquests under 15 years old.

September – The follow up to Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code titled The Da Vinci Code 2 Vatican Boogaloo is released to again massive sales. Nobody mentions that it is just the same book as Angels and Demons AGAIN but this time with the word John the Baptist pasted into wherever Jesus’ name appeared.

October – The world sleeps-in through October totally missing the whole month.

November – The Bali 9 and Shappelle Corby join forces to perform an interpretive dance version of Bangkok Hilton in the Kerobokan prison talent contest. Their brilliant performances earn them all freedom. The freedom is short lived as they are picked up in quarantine for trying to smuggle fruit and wooden carvings back into Australia for a shady Balinese souvenir shop cartel. Oh well, once a mule, always a mule.

December – Christmas comes and goes again and the year ends without any sighting of Jesus’ second coming. Christians begin to question if he was just messing with them first time around. They are then distracted by the Easter Eggs put on display just before New Years Eve and begin to organise a Youth Group Surf Camp for the Easter long weekend.

Long-time Packer family friend and helicopter pilot Nick Ross has reportedly asked for his donated kidney back upon learning of Mr Packer's death.
Hanging back after the press conference where James officially confirmed the passing of his father, Mr Ross worked to corner James alone and asked what he had planned for Kerry’s two, now spare, kidneys. Jamie was believed to be vague with his response muttering something about "using them in a sitcom idea he and Russell Gilbert had been kicking about".
Unfortunately, Mr Ross is still a kidney down and will need to continue medication for the rest of his life.

Doctors treating Kerry Packer have revealed that he was kept alive just long enough for his son James to fly back from overseas for one final berating and clip over the ear.
In a tearful exchange in their Bellevue Hill mansion with doctors and family present, Mr Packer senior drew some of his last breaths to tell son and heir Jamie that he was "useless and would never amount to anything". Not having the strength himself he then asked his doctor to clip Jamie over the ears one final time for the whole One.Tel debacle. He then jerkily wrote on his A4 communication pad: "I swear you fuck up anything I've built up over my years on this earth and I will haunt you for the rest of your life."
He then peacefully passed away.

Welcome to the new look Naughty Pig, as you may have noticed we have gone all blog on your ass. “Does this mean I am going to have to put up with stories about your new kitten and poetry about your uncle molesting you as a child?” We hear you ask... Possibly, but we also intend to deliver the exact same type of crap as before; Main stories, news in briefs, late breakers, top nine lists and award winning artwork.

What’s new and improved:

More regular updates - No more waiting for a new issue. This is 2006 man, we need to publish as soon as we have a half-arsed idea before giving ourselves time to realise what we thought was funny 10 minutes ago is no longer funny.

Comments from you - Instant feedback for you the reader, feel free to say what you like about a story, say something funnier or even add a Top Nine. It does not matter what you write as we have the power to remove anything that makes us look stupid! Or we might just log on as someone else and *flame* you so hard you wet your pants and run crying to mummy... so cut loose.

Generic blog page layout - Now we can get lost in the infinite sea of other blogs out there. Plus the page is a bit cleaner looking.

30% funnier* - We don’t know how we did this, but we have dug deep and guarantee more half smiles than before. *30% funnier than the obituaries page of the paper.

Search tool - It was built in to the blog template! Now you can search all our new archives when you are trying to locate that hilarious masturbation joke we made months ago.

Old archives - Issues 1 through 62 are still available, sorry but they are no funnier than before.

So please bookmark www.naughtypig.com.au</a> again and come back to see if we are actually making regular updates. The email alert will still go out every few weeks or whenever we think we have added something fantastic.

Regards,

The Naughty Pig