Satire site writer, part time dental nurse and full time substitute soccer mum, the Naughty Pig has today surprised his friends and colleges after suddenly appearing after nine months of inexplicable absence.

Disappearing in early May 2006, many of the Naughty Pig's friends and relatives had given him up for dead (or at least rotting in a Thai prison), but today at approximately 3:39pm he casually walked back into his offices unaware of the fact he had even been missing. Apparently the Naughty Pig had accidentally travelled forward in time by falling through a wormhole created by masturbating to a copy of Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History Of Time.

Upon his return the Naughty Pig was keen to discuss all the cutting edge and important issues that were on his mind when he left such how would Gaelan fit in inside the Big Brother house and would those trapped miners be happier if Kochie referred to them as 'great blokes to have a beer with.'

After a brief period of shock the Naughty Pig then spent the next several hours trying to come to terms with how far the human race had advanced by trying to decipher the rules to channel 10's the CONtest.