Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has this week tried to insult Israel by saying "The Zionist regime is a decaying and crumbling tree that will fall with a storm"... Ouch! Having been the Iranian President's speech writer up until last week until he was found with a male concubine, the Naughty Pig can bring to you the Top Nine other things Mr Ahmadinejad was going to call Israel...

9) An impotent horse unable to perform for its debut beastiality film
8) Dried cat poo that is unable to stick to a shoe when trodden on as it has dried to a white powdery substance
7) The weird red head from The Pussy Cat Dolls who scares young children
6) A beardless Doug Parkinson
5) A worn out wettex unfit to remove spilt pasta sauce from laminex
4) A bunch of fucking Jews
3) A dried out scab on the knee of democracy ready to be wiggled loose and flicked at the girls during recess
2) An ageing dance student desperately clinging to her youth with a dream of one day making it on Broadway
1) The limp sweaty handshake of a nervous photocopier salesman as he realises he has blown the deal before even meeting you by leering at your secretary, who is also your wife.